A Prayer to Break the Lull

It seems to me that there is a universal lull permeating the cosmos, a magnetic pull downwards as of late. Maybe it’s the collective sigh of our “hard times,” the residual pang from a nation in peril. Or maybe it’s just the shadows that descend with the dark and the cold this time of year. Or maybe - it’s just me.

Nevertheless, I think it’s time to snap out of it. So – I’m snapping out of it. Right now. I am sending a virtual request to the powers-that- be, to Father Time, Hare Krishna, Santa Claus, whoever is listening. I am calling on the God above and the God within, to the angels who watch over us in all that we do, for myself and for those I love, on behalf of everyone who is down and out and just can’t seem to pick themselves up. Hear my prayer:

Give us perspective. Give us new eyes everyday so we can truly bear witness to the marvel of this life. Open our hearts to all things beautiful and help us recognize it is never lost. There is always up. We are never alone. Give us the space to take deep breaths. Give us the faith that all things are unfolding exactly as they should. We are exactly where we need to be. And we are perfect as we are. We are perfect in this moment. Let us live in this moment like it is all that we have. Let us stop wasting our time on appearances. Let us not spend one more second squandering our fat rolls, our wrinkles, our bodies, our so-called imperfections. We are beautiful. Give us the strength to stop the worrying, the anxiety, the fear. Soften our hearts to forgiveness. Quiet our minds from remorse. Give us the strength to let go. Help us find balance. Help us realize we are worthy. And we are powerful. We are capable of anything. Give us the courage to leap. Take risks. Exceed limitations. Help us see beyond our own battle wounds and the scars of our past and through to the goodness glowing within. Still. Always. Forever. In all of us. Let us love ourselves and let us be loved. Let us love. Allow us to lean into the pillars of the universe and trust we won’t fall. We will not fall. We will not break. Remind us always that something larger than our bodies and our minds and all of our material possessions lives within us and above us, cradling the seed of our spirit, spinning the webs of our lives. We are all spun from the same thread. Let us be there for each other and love one another without judgment, without reservation and with all that we are made of.

Please.

Thank you.

...Oh, and Amen.

Stars, I Have Seen Them Fall

Stars, I have seen them fall,

But when they drop and die
No star is lost at all
From all the star-sown sky.
The toil of all that be
Helps not the primal fault;
It rains into the sea,
And still the sea is salt.

Get Out of Your Own Way

When did it all become so complicated? So much effort? When did we begin to wear the dust of our past like a second skin? Has the act of living in modern times battered us into obstruction or is it simply that we are getting older? The thicker the plot of our lives, the wider the web we spin, the more convoluted it seems.

I think…we need to stop thinking. Our minds are relentlessly jabbering and judging, twisting experiences into tangles of thoughts that sit and grow roots into our hearts. We are taken captive by our pasts and the anticipation of our future, experiences and expectations distorted into whispers of truth that weigh heavy upon us. We want to understand, problem solve, analyze, rescue, fix. We relive and await, relive and await, over and over and over - until we are no longer present in this moment. And it is only in this moment that we find peace.

No amount of thinking will quiet worry. And when it comes to the most worrisome matters, our thoughts often only add fuel to the fire. Our churning mind muddies the waters; it doesn’t bring clarity. Clarity comes when we open ourselves to the story that is unfolding now. Right now. The grass growing beneath our feet. There is no conclusion to draw and no answer to obtain. So stop. Stop grasping. Stop analyzing. Stop chasing. Stop trying to understand. The universe is here to support us. We just have to get out of our own way.

The universe is here to support us. We just have to get the hell out of our own way. Miracles abound. Every single day is a gift. Our chattering thoughts cloud our ability to see what’s clearly in front of us: a beautiful morning. the sky. rain. unconditional love. friends. family. freedom to choose. It’s all there for us - waiting. Once we stop our mind’s preoccupation, the dust and grit of experience lifts and our lives open up like a flower. Effortlessly.

I carry you behind my heart

My grandma passed away yesterday. She had been slowly leaving for some time and yesterday morning she said goodbye. How can I say goodbye? I find myself immersed in her memory, filled with her company, flooded with echoes of her laughter and our moments together. How she used to call me honey and sweetheart and dolly. The way her house always smelled like something was cooking and the feel of the carpet under my feet. Her hands that were always so soft and warm...my dad’s hands. The way her eyes lit up when she smiled and how proud she made me feel no matter how small my feat.

Grandma was unconditional love. She had no agenda, no judgment, no attitude. She was warm and kind and humble, and so generous with her heart. So generous with her spirit. She offered her whole self up, and when you were with her you felt all wrapped up in it like a down comforter.

I miss her.

The emptiness of her absence is tangible; grief feels like a slow ache that never seems to stop rising. Remembering brings everything to the surface. We grieve and we remember, and we celebrate the gifts she brought to our lives. We remember who she was and in doing so, she becomes more and more a part of who we are. We who loved her and we who she loved will never say goodbye. She will always live on.  She lives on. Her essence lives in our essence. She fills our insides with her insides like the sun opening up to the sky. We will always carry her behind our hearts.  Together, our hearts will sing her song and all that she was and all that she is will carry on forever.

Thank you for all you have given me, grandma.  I love you.